I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
