chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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