I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
