HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
