Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
