Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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