I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
