The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
