I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
