I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
