totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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