If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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