You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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