I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
