im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
