Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
