3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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