Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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