I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He? As in you personified your dick?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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