Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
