dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
