none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
