M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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