Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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