Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize