on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
