we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
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