apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
