I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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