Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize