I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
