If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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