My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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