Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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