3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
