i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
