I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
