so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
