My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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