i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
