I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
