I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
