So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
