please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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