we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
