do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
