My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
