You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
