I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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