those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
