Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
