I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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