Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
