i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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