i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize