Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
