goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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