He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
