btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize