got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
