u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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