If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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