did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
