so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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