She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
