dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize