Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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