Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
