Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
