i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
