We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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