Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
