So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
